Dealing With a Family Member With Mental Illness

  • Dealing with a family member with a mental illness isn't easy, but family support is important.
  • You can help your family member by recognizing the problem, starting a conversation, seeking help, and educating yourself.
Dealing With a Family Member With Mental Illness


There is nothing easy about dealing with a family member with a mental illness. This is especially true if the mental health symptoms are new, or if they are particularly disruptive. But at the same time, there are few things as important as family support for mental illness. 

We want to share some thoughts on the effects of mental illness on family members, and on how to get help for family members with mental illness. And most of all, we want you to know that you are not alone. 

Before we dig in, please remember that if you, your friend, or your family member are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it’s vital to get help immediately. You can do that by taking advantage of the resources at the bottom of this page, or simply by dialing 988. Please also remember that Brightside Health is here to help you or your loved one with their mental health, and getting started is easy with our free assessment.

How to get help for a family member with mental illness

When someone we love is hurting, our first impulse is to try to help. And that’s good news for those struggling with a mental health condition. But it can sometimes be hard to know where to begin to help a family member with mental illness. Here are three immediate steps you can take if you are in this position.

Step 1: Recognize the problem

You know your family member better than anyone. Whether you are concerned about your child, a sibling, a spouse or partner, or perhaps a mentally ill parent, you may be in the perfect position to recognize a problem as it emerges. 

Watch for changes in behavior. Perhaps your loved one seems less interested in things that were important to them. Maybe they are displaying a withdrawal from social interactions, or a loss of interest in physical intimacy. All of these may be signs of depression or another mental health condition.

You may also want to watch for other signs of depression, such as

  • Sadness, hopelessness, emptiness, or tearfulness
  • Outbursts of anger, irritability, or frustration
  • Anger or irritability over minor occurrences
  • Insomnia, over-sleeping, or other sleep disturbances
  • Prolonged tiredness and lack of energy such that small tasks require a lot of effort
  • Loss of appetite which may lead to weight loss
  • Increased appetite or cravings which may lead to weight gain
  • Anxiety
  • Restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking, or body movements
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • Fixation on past failures or self-blame
  • Difficulty thinking or concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things
  • Frequent or repeated thoughts of death or suicide
  • Suicidal actions
  • Unexplained physical ailments such as headaches or back pain

Step 2: Start the conversation

But watching for signs is only part of the solution. You also need to be ready to start the conversation about what you are seeing, and how your loved one is feeling. Dealing with mentally ill family members means being willing to have hard conversations. Psychiatry.org suggests

“Start by expressing your concern, as well as your readiness to listen and be there for the person. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Reassure them that you care about them and are there for them. Use “I” statements. For example, try “I am worried about you…,” or “I’d like you to consider talking to a counselor….” Avoid statements like “You are….” or “You need to,” or “You should….”’

Remember, you don’t have to have all of the answers, this step is about identifying a problem and offering support. 

Step 3: Seek professional help

The next step is to seek help from a mental health professional. As we said above, if you are supporting a friend or family member in crisis, then you may need to seek emergency help. Otherwise, it’s a good idea to start with their primary care physician, and ask for a referral (if needed). Another great way to get professional help is through Brightside, where your family member can talk to someone from their own home. 

Step 4: Educate yourself

Once your family member has a diagnosis and a treatment plan, you will want to learn as much as you can about their condition. You may be able to help in more ways than you expect by understanding more about what they are dealing with, what medications they may be prescribed, or how their treatment plan is projected to operate.

Effects of mental illness on family members

For obvious reasons, research often focuses on people with mental health disorders, and not on the ways that those illnesses may impact their family members and caregivers. When a family member is sick, families tend to scramble to provide support and help and to try to “solve” the mental health problem. And as a result, family members are sometimes left struggling with feelings of their own. 

The American Psychological Association explains, “It’s not abnormal to feel ashamed, or hurt, or embarrassed by a family member whose behaviors can be difficult to understand and deal with. Many people also feel anger at the circumstances and even at the person who has been diagnosed. And though it may not be logical, parents often engage in some degree of self-blame. Such feelings of shame and anger may also go hand-in-hand with feelings of guilt. Grief is also common.”

Many people dealing with a family member with a mental illness find it very helpful to find a support group of their own. The National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) Family Support Group may be a great place to start.If you have a family member with a mental illness, get help today at Brightside.

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Key Takeaways
  • Dealing with a family member with a mental illness isn't easy, but family support is important.
  • You can help your family member by recognizing the problem, starting a conversation, seeking help, and educating yourself.
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